Happy Halloween!

May your day be filled with giant spiders.

And cookies as big as your face.

Shots Are For Espresso.

Or bachelor parties. Or gun shows. They aren't however for mothers who are confused by the hype.

And I currently fall into that last category.

I'm talking about boosters here. And not the seat kind. The annual kind. The scary kind. The lifesaving kind. The kind that may contribute to autism. The kind that former MTV game-show hosts now talk about on Oprah.

That kind.

Although frankly, for me to say I'm confused about this topic is probably taking it a bit too far. I'm actually not confused as much as I'm just too damned subconsciously anxious about the possible unknowing, speculated potential, and potentially related or unrelated ramifications to just even deal. In other words, like a lab rat, I'm in unfamiliar territory, so I'm not moving.

All that said, I should know a lot about this topic. Once upon a time in a lifetime far far away, it was basically my job to know this. To communicate it to many. To go on and on and on about the importance of...no, the essential need for... immunizations. In fact, for almost a year I did everything but bribe politicians to get the word out about the need for kids to get shots. Shots. Shots. And a few more shots for luck. That was my job. See, I worked for a really swell non-for-profit organization that educated immigrants about the importance of childhood immunizations. Oh, the importance.

Back then, I knew every reason children should be vaccinated. And I could (and frankly, still can) spout off the many essential benefits of the shot. Shots.

But that was 10 years ago. I was 26. And I knew as much about children then, as I know about Quantitative and Computational Finance now. And you should know, that's less than nothing. More importantly and more honestly, I knew much less about what it was like to be a parent then than I will ever know about any graduate-level mathematics. Or even middle school mathematics for that matter.

I knew nothing. Which is too bad, because if it's true that the first rule of communication is to know your audience, I really should have shut the hell up.

Because as well intended as I was...me Ms. Let-me-tell-you-what-to-do here, it's easy, no biggy, just get the shots...well, I just knew what I knew. And that wasn't everything.

For instance, I didn't know about the whole immunization controversy. Hell, back then, no one knew there would be such a thing. And I sure didn't know what it would feel like to consider that possibility as the parent of a little boy. Because I still don't know what I think about all of it. I don't even feel confident in my ability to explain my confusion and discomfort to a physician with whom The Hurricane has an appointment tomorrow. For a two-year-old check up. And for shots.

So I'm canceling.

Canceling tomorrow's appointment. Not avoiding forever. Just postponing for now. Until I feel like I know more. And more importantly, until I can whole-heartedly understand and explain my discomfort zone well enough to find a comfortable resolution.

And so, instead of going to the doctor on schedule, we're going to the park. At least for now. For tomorrow.

What's the Deal with Veggies in Brownies?

You might have heard a little bit about this book. Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld. There's been some buzz on the Internet, and on, oh, Oprah (plus a little controversy, which always spices everything up a bit.)

But the book has a smart concept and a cool design. Those are my two biggies. So I reviewed it today (and I'm giving one away to a commenter) on Cool Stuff.

Plus, the woman has created a Mac and Cheese recipe that includes our ghordtastic friend the butternut squash. Check it.

Jessica Seinfeld's Macaroni & Cheese
(with butternut squash)

1 1/2 cups elbow macaroni
Nonstick cooking spray
1 Tbsp. olive oil
1 Tbsp. all-purpose flour
1/2 cup nonfat (skim) milk
1/2 cup butternut or cauliflower puree
1 1/2 cups shredded reduced-fat Cheddar cheese (about 8 oz.)
4 oz. (almost 1/4 cup) reduced-fat or nonfat cream cheese
1/2 tsp. salt
1/8 tsp. paprika
1/8 tsp. pepper

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil, add the macaroni and cook according to package directions until al dente. Drain in a colander.

While the macaroni is cooking, coat a large saucepan with cooking spray and heat over medium heat. Add the oil, then the flour, and cook, stirring constantly, until the mixture resembles a thick paste but has not browned, 1 to 2 minutes.

Add the milk and cook, stirring every now and then, until the mixture begins to thicken, 3 to 4 minutes. Add the vegetable puree, Cheddar, cream cheese and seasonings and stir until the cheese is melted and the sauce is smooth. Stir in the macaroni and serve warm. Enjoy.

And don't forget to leave a comment on Cool Stuff. To maybe win and all. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Wondering Why I've Been Posting A Little Less Lately?

Well, for starters, this is my computer.

The one that, before it looked like this, was the computer I used to post things on. The one I started this blog with. The one I wrote many sentences in that ended with prepositions before. That one. That computer. That laptop.

And now that laptop is on our kitchen island.

In 47 pieces.

So the posting. It will of course continue. Only in pieces.

But. In a way, maybe that will actually be better. You know. Stolen moments on random laptops. That could spice it up a bit. In fact, that sounds kinda hot.

Or not.

I'll Drink To That.

A few years ago, I helped some very creative friends give another pal an amazing baby shower. Really amazing. One of those that started with the coolest invitation I've ever seen, and ended with award-show-swag-bag-worthy party favors.

I was in charge of beverages. Only. That's it. Easy. Brainless.

But then some smart creative person thought that it would be a good idea--no an ESSENTIAL element--to make "drink tags" that thematically featured a variety of "motherhood" quotes. Quotes like this...

"Making the decision to have a child -- it's momentous.

It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

--Elizabeth Stone

This was a crowd favorite. The kind of words that when placed together bring out the "aaaahhhs" in everyone. Well, almost everyone.

Not so much me.

Because, frankly, I thought that was the most horridly awful thing I'd read in a while. And I said as much to the group as we were "tying one on" in the less-fun literal way of actually tying these things on to the party glasses.

Then they collectively agreed that I was a robot.

And I collectively decided they were sappy crazy.

I mean, obviously that's a disturbing quote. First of all, it's SO VERY dramatic. And so, I don't know, icky. I mean, how is a disected organ walking around the city in any way sweet, or cute, or aawwhhh-inspiring? I didn't get it.

And I was pregnant at the time. But whatever. I knew I wouldn't be one of those sappy mothers whose internal organs were walking around town wearing ducky and bunny outfits to cozy playgroup teaparties of scrapbooking smocking storytime gatherings. Or something. Really I had no idea. But I'd never been that um, I don't know, sappy and I'd definitely never wanted my heart outside of my body. Not for one second.

And after many many millions of seconds had passed and my son was nearing two, I realized that we hadn't had an organ separation of any kind. Although, don't get me wrong, we've had our moments.

Moments like when the Hurricane and I spent our last few minutes together, just the two of us, in the hospital and I swore to him through intense tears that we'd go on many many adventures together. Or the moments before I went back to work when I swore to him I'd be home in a few hours. And on and on and on. Moments. Profound lifechanging moments. We've got hundreds of them.

And my heart was with him every single second. But it was still mine. It was still in my body. I continued to function. Beat by beat by beat.

And then I went to New York for a few days last week. Not by any means my first trip away. More like my 31st trip away. But something different happend. I experienced something new.

It all started in the plane as I was reading Vanity Fair's feature on Eric Clapton. Know the story? About his son? Well, for some reason, I didn't. And I was surprised by the ending. The horrible horrible ending. And I took that whole "tears in heaven" thing to a whole new level with an honest-to-goodness, whole-hearted "ugly cry" in my first class seat (thanks again to the hard-earned miles/upgrade from my hero the HcQ). This is extremely unusual for me because truth be told, unlike Duckie, I'm not a cryer. But all of a sudden, I was. A big fat cryer. Throughout the day and across the city. Ugly crying at City Bakery. In Scoop. At the end of the first act of Wicked. And later in the street. And even later at Spice Market.

Yes. I did.

Because all of a sudden, I got it. The heart outside of your body thing. And I experienced it. Through the story of a huge rock star, I felt just a twinge of what it would feel like to lose my heart forever. And I got it.

I got the quote.

Between the tears in Soho, I tried to explain this to my dear friend whom I was traveling with, a mother of three boys herself. And she of course understood what I was talking about much more completely than I did. After all, I was just starting to feel this out. She'd been there for many years and told me as much. And she told me I wasn't the only one. And this helped me stop crying. Because for some reason and for a minute, I thought I was the only one. Someone having a psychic moment. Or a complete breakdown. But she knew better. She knew I was just being a mom. And she sweetly gave me a hug. And reassured me. And raised her mojito to toast the heart of motherhood, and the love outside of our control, and the souls that we get to treasure along the way.

So here's to the hearts outside of our bodies.

And here's to us.

Cheers.

Grounded.

Some say you are always learning. And over the weekend I've learned that free wifi in New York City is like a diamond-encrusted 24K gold Rolls-Royce. Only maybe those are easier to find around here.

At least that's what I thought until early this morning.

I was aimlessly wandering around hoping desperately to find a Starbucks, (which in theory are everywhere except when you're looking for wifi. Then, they're like Sasquatch.) when I stumbled upon the most beautiful, fantastic little organic coffee & tea house.

Grounded.

And honestly, it's true. As I type this now, I'm feeling the most grounded I've felt in a while. I'm in the back corner of a beautifully lit spot on Jane Street, surrounded by inspired photography, books and a few seasonal pumpkins. They're playing Elliot Smith and John Lennon and Ambulance Ltd, and I'm feeling incredibly blessed to have found this tiny space in the world.

I have so much to say about my short trip here. So many new discoveries to share. A few short days away with good friends always gives me some serious shot-in-the-arm perspective.

So thanks for letting me take a little break to settle a bit. Just a bit. And to sort. And get things a little more organized on my end. I'm not there yet, but I'm moving in a very good direction.

For starters, some pretty exciting things are about to happen around here at the Queso. I'm honestly not sure exactly what format this is going to take, but I know at least my banner will be back and fixed and reliably more consistent (by the way, do you see the banner? Some do, some don't. I do depending on the hour. To be honest, it's a pretty good reflection and manifestation of how my brain is working these days.) But back to the excitement. I'll keep you posted.

There is much to come.

Sk*rt is Celebrating Independent Artists By Giving Tons of Cool Designs Away. For Reals.

Maker Faire Austin is happening this week, and we at sk*rt are kicking it up a notch and celebrating some of our favorite independent makers and do-it-yourself-ers!!!

Because, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, there are some pretty amazing artists, makers, designers, crafters, chefs, and creative geniuses who hang around there and sometimes even show off their stuff at sk*rt. And we LOVE it!

In fact, we’ve all found some of the coolest independent designers through sk*rt, and we want to make sure you don’t miss them! So we’re going to take this week and this opportunity to highlight them, celebrate them, and give them a little extra love. And in turn, they want to give you a chance to win some of their amazing makes.

That’s right, we’re talking a major SK*RT/MAKER FAIRE GIVEAWAY, people.

Here’s how it will work. We’ll be posting everyday between Monday, October 15 and Sunday, October 21 about the different featured independent makers and what they’ll be adding to the SK*RT/MAKER FAIRE GIVEAWAY! Each day we’ll let you know about new items being added to prize packages. Honestly, the prize packages are so huge, we have to ease you into them. So we’ll let you know one or two items at a time. Because they’re that awesome! And so are the fantastic sk*rt makers behind them.

All you have to do to enter the GIANT SK*RT/MAKER FAIRE GIVEAWAY is to LEAVE A COMMENT on ANY of the sk*rt entries tagged “Maker Faire”….like for instance, any one like this one… The more comments you leave on different “Maker Faire” entry items, the more you’re entered. Cool huh?

You can read more about it and all the featured artists here on the sk*rt blog.

We can’t wait to introduce you (or reintroduce you) to some amazing independent artists and makers. After all, that’s what sk*rt (and Maker Faire Austin!) is all about!

Happy Sk*rt/Maker Faire Week everyone!

Gourd-O

Maybe it's because I've been walking more. Or maybe it's because the weather's starting to change. But I've been so hungry lately for fallish food. In fact, the new issue of Food&Wine has gotten me completely in the mood (and ready to eat) this autumnal season. So to start the week with love, I thought I'd share one of my favorites from Food&Wine.

Butternut Squash Soup with Crisp Pancetta

• 4 medium butternut squash (6 pounds)
• 6 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into 8 pieces
• Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper
• 12 very thin slices of pancetta (3 ounces)
• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, plus more for drizzling
• 1 large Spanish onion, chopped
• 6 thyme sprigs
• 1 bay leaf
• 2 quarts chicken stock or low-sodium broth
• 2 tablespoons heavy cream
• Sugar (optional)
  

1. 

   Preheat the oven to 400°. Halve the squash lengthwise and scoop out the seeds. Set the squash on a rimmed baking sheet, cut sides up. Put a piece of butter in each cavity and season generously with salt and pepper. Drape the squash halves with the pancetta slices. Roast the squash for 45 to 50 minutes, or until tender.
2. Transfer the pancetta to paper towels to drain. Crumble and set aside. Scoop the squash out of the skins into a bowl.
3. In a large, heavy stockpot, heat the 2 tablespoons of olive oil until shimmering. Add the onion, season with salt and pepper and cook over moderately high heat, stirring, until softened but not browned, about 6 minutes. Add 3 of the thyme sprigs and the bay leaf. Stir in the squash and the stock and bring to a boil over high heat, stirring frequently. Reduce the heat and simmer the soup for 15 minutes, stirring occasionally.
4. Pick out and discard the thyme sprigs and bay leaf. Working in batches, transfer the soup to a blender or food processor and puree until thick and creamy-smooth, about 1 minute per batch. Transfer the soup to a clean saucepan. Stir in the heavy cream and season with salt and pepper (and sugar if desired).
5. Reheat the soup if necessary. Ladle into 12 bowls. Garnish the soup with the pancetta, the leaves from the remaining 3 thyme sprigs and a drizzle of olive oil.

MAKE AHEAD The soup and roasted pancetta can be refrigerated for up to 2 days. Reheat the soup and recrisp the pancetta before serving; the soup may need to be thinned with stock or water.

Happy Monday. Happy October.

Documentation.

I was always one of those kids who was relatively self aware. I could see the writing on the wall. Plus, I was around adults enough to catch phrases and ideas on how they knew so much more than they did years before. About some things. So even at a young middle-schoolish age, I realized on some level that the cares that I thought about, those that I worried about, and those that completely consumed me, would be things that I'd look back on and be completely mortified about.

That's why I never journaled. Ever.

As much as I loved to write about the fictional pretend, I would never write about the real. It was too mundane. And self-involved. And silly. Because even as I was experiencing the 1984 present, I knew that as real, and exciting, and painful, and wonderful as things were to me at the time, they'd be painful to read later.

But I was wrong.

Now I wish I had the accounts. Because as silly as they may seem, they are my memories. Only they aren't, because I've forgotten them.

So that is another reason I'm thrilled to have this practice in my life. This practice of journaling. And even as I'm typing this and wondering why I spend the time doing it in a public space, the answer occurs to me. It's obvious.

Because it's the only way I'll do it.

I'm one of those people that needs a workout partner, or a trainer, or a scheduled class. For accountability. Because I won't just do it on my own. I have to have a system or a pal or a class I've already paid for to get the job done or the work out.

It's the same with getting the words out. Or the photos.

The most excellent thing about this medium though is that others do it too. So I can know what my dear friends are doing. To see their daughters grow. What they're doing for others. What they're doing in the middle of the night. To know their driving habits. Know if George Clooney is in their neighborhood. Hear that Barack Obama is stalking them. Whatever. I can keep up with the documentation of their lives. And I can even keep up with mine through theirs.

Like last Friday. Without Karen's post and the above stolen photo, a few years from now, I might forget that when we met for some seriously fantastic shrimp with candied walnuts (tossed in a creamy lemon sauce with honeydew melon) on Friday, we were both wearing the same Earth Superhero Necklace. She has several because she's a model. I have one because I won it last month on OMSH after helping rename her mom's fantastic company. See I might have forgotten that. And I for sure would have forgotten, as we laughed and potentially scared our waiter who was meandering through his first day, that we sat next to a very elderly man and his hooker. For reals y'all. And that we saw and talked to another woman wearing a Superhero necklace, who is a reported "huge" scrapbooker. And that we drooled over the autumnal clothes in the window next door. I would have forgotten.

Then Saturday, the Hurricane discovered the joys of the "overblown" giant jump-a-thon birthday party.And there's Jenny documentation to prove it. Also, the fearless Min has inspired Harry to be a Pirate. For Halloween. But also for a living. So now we'll always remember the origin of that decision.

And then, well the whole weekend was documented by a variety of people.

But most importantly, I'll archive right here that the infamous Super Zoe called me very early on Saturday morning with news. She's officially off the market people. She is engaged. And Law Boy is one lucky dude. Although based on his comments, it seems he already knows it. It's documented.